In the life of an Amazon

Stories from the jungle

Recent Entries

24th-Aug-2007 08:37 pm - Transitioning

I'm so afraid to move ahead yet so unwilling to stay behind. Things are changing and moving all about me. I have moved back to corner brook and that makes me content. I still have complications though. Before moving in Kieran and I got into a little spat and I ended up cutting. I shouldn't have but it was all so much I just needed to release a little. He thinks that a box scratched me while I was packing. It's been really bipolar lately. It may have something to do with being around each other so much. Its good then it's weird. Mar. I wish Jayme was here. I need her now. Just to vent. I need to call her but I never know if she is going to be home or not. I must try and find her schedule out. I think that K and I are going to watch movies tonight. Amiee is having a bunch of people over and I think that he wants to go but doesn't want to stay. I'll ask when he comes home. Tommorrow is the staff party and I am kind of excited to go to it with him. My apartment is quite homey... I like it. I am just about ready to start school but I am also very nervous. Especially being a proctor. So much responsiblity. I'm also going to be working at the pool and with the psych society as VP. Gonna not have much time but I am hoping that I can do all of that and still have a life with my Kieran. Perhaps if I just did a few hours at the pool on the weekend I'd be fine. Or in the weekday evenings/mornings which might be better. OH boy I can do this RIGHT I can.
I'm really getting into the whole video game stuff. That's because my bf is super cool at that kind of thing. Anywho, I should go and make better use of my time.

Location:Living Room
Mood:intimidated
Music:HGTV

26th-Jul-2007 09:08 pm - In the arms of the angel.

I don't know what's going on with me. I feel so lost. So unimportant and absorbed by everything else. There's no definition no character. Just me blending into the background. That isn't me? Why am I so black and white ? I need someone to notice. Someone to push me out of this shade. Jayme I need you. I need someone to think that I'm special enough not to call me to say I'm taking a nap. Someone who knows I'm alone in this house with the candles lit and Sarah MacLauchland singing a song just for me. I feel that nobody is noticing that I am slowly falling again. I cannot fall. Not now. I'm supposed to be medicated. I'm not supposed to become depressed. This is me asking for help. Asking for forgivness, patience, and some company. Boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, grandmother, just look at me. I am not happy.

21st-Jul-2007 09:52 pm - Welcome back to work!Fucksakes!

I really hate bitching on my LJ but damn sometimes you just have to. I drove out today in the most miserable rain I think that I've ever driven in. Holy Crap I was scared but I got here. Mom had me a bacon sandwich and and eggie to eat at the cabin which was probably the best thing to happen to me today. I came to work and found out that Effie is the person raggin on me at work and thus Pat is being an amazon eater! Help! So from now on I'm keeping my mouth shut and doing what I'm supposed to (not doing that right now as I am writing an LJ at work) argh~
Then I called Lynds and figured out my schdule so that I could go to SJ with Kieran and the fams as asked. Rather begged of me to try to do by forementioned. Then at 8 he calls from the B-lot and says that OOPS I can't go. Which I knew was going to happen. Why did I even think that I could intrude on the family affair. I'm not really that upset. But I bothered Lynds with it and I was looking forward to seeing some special people (**ahem**) Fuck.

Tags:death to fun!
Location:PAB VIC :P
Mood:aggravated
Music:Not a thing its silent as a church

19th-Jul-2007 09:16 pm - Cobwebs and Scars

This basement is covered in the scars of anger and the cobwebs of regret & loneliness. It's no surprise you're so excited to be with someone who gives a damn. Someone who thinks that despite the scars and cobwebs you are not that person and you deserve to have a better life. So in I step and I try. I can't always be the better one but for now I'll bide my time. You are everything to me. The holes I see cause me a great deal of pain. So it's here that I know I belong right now. And I don't ever want to leave. Is it too soon to want more? Too soon to want to commit myself to society...the truth is I've already commited myself. Whether or not you are ready. I hope your ready

And you're missing from my life. You left whats left of you behind. And I miss your smile and the glow of you're hair. Please don't forget about me like the last one. I couldn't bear that. Having no siblings of my own I don't understand. How people can be so close and then fade away. I love you. You are my strength. You are the reason I am the person I am today. Please do well. Please have fun without me.

Location:Kieran's House
Mood:artistic
Music:Happy Now?- No Doubt

23rd-May-2007 03:09 pm - Holy Be Jesus.

I just got a sudden fear of leaving corner brook and all that is me. I dont want to leave him. I love him. I know things will be fine. I know I shouldnt worry. But I'm gonna miss him and my girlfirends soo much. It's as if I'm going into isolation from all that I love. :(

23rd-May-2007 02:08 pm - The struggle has subsided.

I am completely and utterly in love with this boy. He is all that I could ask for. I mean nobody is perfect but I can learn to live with any small inperfections that arise. He's a nerd. I can move on past that.

The weekend was amazing. I will remember these times for a long time to come. Friday I went to Kierans for awhile. We played video games and then I travelled to Em and Jenn's to see Amanda and Jay. It was super fun. Saturday we all went to the Oasis for supper and it was just lovely and beautiful and relaxed. I loved every minute of it. I stayed at Kieran's house that night and Sunday morning we got up and went to Gros Morne for a road trip. It was soooo much fun. I had a blast and it's beautiful up there.

I didn't think I'd see him yesterday but he got down and stayed the night. He took care of my poor female ovulating body whille I took care of him. It's so beautiful between us. It's as if we've been around each other for years. Nothing feels wrong. It all feels like an old pair of jeans.

Can that happen? Does it really just happen like that? Out of the blue?

It's so completing to be in his presence. I think of him all the time and I don't know how to preocupy my mind. Not that I want to. It's home there. Together.

Location:SA office
Mood:loved
Music:Homeless

17th-May-2007 09:54 pm - Crazy times!

Things have been going so well. Kieran and I have really been great. I'm so in love with him. I just hope that things don't go bad. I'm sure they won't. He's stayed down a couple of nights the week because he can't get back to pasadena. I was up there saturday and on Tuesday and drove back later. I think that single beds suck. Sandra was upset with us. She totally overreacted but today she is completely fine. Weird goings. But yeah ... Life is good so far. May 2-4 should bring some interesting stories.

9th-May-2007 01:10 am - Is it fall again ...or is it just me thats falling?

I'm in soooooo far.

My heals have officially fallen over my head.
They came to corner brook.
I saw him today :) :)
Life is good. We are good.
Tommorow after work untill he has to go to work.
Ah a phone call soon :)
Something to think about in the gown room in the am.
I should be asleep.
But I'll be dreamful all day tommorow.

Uh oh. Is this bad?

Mood:giddy

8th-May-2007 08:43 pm - thE Embarasments!

So I got drugged at the club on friday.

But I had a first date yesterday. We ate supper. Then watched movies. Then had some pretty sweet moments. Nichole brought heaven in a cup. He stayed. He left with them.

I'm smitten with a smittlet.

Today I went to work with the rats with sandra bc Jay was sick. Then I had to take tizz and Banks around town for job's and such. We all ate the dirty bird for supper. Then Tizz and I took a road trip to PA. To visit Nichole and Jay ( bc she was supposed to be sick) HA. Jay wasn't there. Nichole took us around town I found out where everyone lived. We went to the beach and stopped into west haven campgrounds. BEAUTIFUL. I had tea at Tizz's and then came home to the screamo punk of the embarrasments. ICK

I have to work for convocation within the next three days. I start at 8:15 am tommorow :S should be tons of fun and super spasmic excitement.

I miss him. I just called and he's at basketball. I need some cheering up right now. I'm tired and I'd love to hear his voice. My mother knows now that we are sort of dating but its awkward to tell her about that stuff. Its funny bc I tell her everything.

He used the word respect me in a sentence.

I'm crazy about him. He's crazy about me. Perhaps this will be a good one.

Love you all.

Mood:content

4th-May-2007 08:07 pm - Holy over the moon batman!

Okay so I've been out to the b-lot for the past 2 nights chillin with jay and then just relaxing there. Its been really cool plus both kieran and I have been able to put our feeler's out and check eachother without it being seriously awkward. I think that's imporant. He came to visit today with Terry and we relaxed which is really cool. I like how it's starting. I really and honestly do. I am going to see spiderman 3 tommorow with him (sort of an unofficial date) and the boys tommorow. I like this. It's been cool. Have to work in the am and visit lindsi's party tonight ehhhhh...

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